I’m sure that you had your heart broken at some point in your life, possibly and probably more than once. I’ve had mine broken too. And while I was never planning on writing heartbreak posts on this blog, this is something I want to share with you.
Imagine loving someone so much that it hurts. So much that you are terrified of losing them. Imagine loving someone so much that even when you were happy before you met them, it seems like your life is complete with them. That person challenges you and teaches you things, and pulls you out of your comfort zone. He makes you live, and love, in a way you never thought was possible. And imagine seeing it all shatter bit by bit. It can be because of different reasons. It can be depression that’s tearing you 2 apart. It can be alcohol, or drugs, another person, lack of communication, … It can be anything. Imagine feeling that person slip through your fingers little by little, and there’s nothing you can do, because you have tried everything. And eventually, you know: I can’t go on like this. We can’t go on like this. And you have to let them go. It’s the most painful thing there is, leaving someone you still love more than anything. This is what I had to do, in order for that person to be happy again. In order for me to be happy again. And that’s where I was heading to: happiness. Even though he stayed in my heart and on my mind, I had been able to build myself up and do the things I love. I wasn’t just heading into happiness. Truth is: I was happy. Even when my heart still belonged to him.
And then there you have it: I was happy. Until a couple of days ago. When my friend dropped the bomb telling me she was in a relationship with the man I never stopped loving in the first place. Coming out of nowhere, not expecting it at all, that’s what happened. And I broke. My trust, happiness, gone in that instance. I had to reread that line 3 times to understand what she had said. I wanted him to be happy. But I never thought it would be with a person I had let into my life and my heart, a person I considered a real friend. I was angry. So angry. And then I did what I always do: I tried to understand. And through the hurt I felt at that moment, I knew that I had to take my distance from both of them. For my own sake. But not after I had talked to them and told them that even though it hurts, I want them to be happy, even if it’s together. Only back then I didn’t realize certain things, or let’s say I didn’t want to believe certain things. But I’m not getting into detail about that now. I’ll just say: if she’s the person that will get that amazing smile back on his face, then I will accept that. Because there is nothing I want more than to see him smile again. Even when right now, it’s better for me not to see him at all.
Fact is: all of it hurts, and all of it will continue to hurt for a while. But the point of me telling you all this? I’ll tell you.
Even when you feel broken and hurt, when you feel like the rug (or the floor even) has been pulled from under you, you have to get back up and fight. Fight for yourself. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and say: “I am worthy of happiness, and I will fight to get it back. I will fight to not let a bit of heartbreak ruin my life”.
It’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok to have your heart broken. But it’s never ok to let yourself stay broken. You will rise back up and believe that you are amazing. I know I will. No matter what will ever happen in my life, I know I will never stop fighting. I will never stop being happy, even when sometimes, there is pain. Pain isn’t all that bad. It sucks, I know. But when you use that pain the right way, you can become stronger, better. Each time someone breaks your heart, or you lose someone important to you: it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to grieve. But don’t let the pain control you. Control your pain. Turn it into something that will make you a better you. Even when your heart stands still for a while, make it beat again! Believe in yourself, and in your beauty. Believe in your ability to turn your pain into something beyond beautiful. You can’t stop loving yourself, ever. Because you, are amazing. I am amazing. And if I can do it, so can you. Fight for your happiness, no matter what crosses your path. I believe in you.